Having Fun

I'm not sure I'll call it a midlife crisis so much as just a desire to splurge on myself a little (I know, that goes against everything I was ever taught) but I splurged on ME a little bit this week. Baby J is sporting my new cowgirl boots and showing us how to really get down and boogie - they've gotten a little bit of mileage and I'm surprised at how totally COMFY they are. Why didn't someone tell me about these long ago...I may not go back to flip-flops (HAH - some things will never change...besides, I also got a nice pedicure so how can I hide my toes all the time?!)

One Year

This is a picture of us at the cemetery this past Tuesday, August 12th. That was the 1 year anniversary of Ken's death and I am so proud of how well we did. I had several weepy days leading up to it but after a sweet blessing from Jared on Sunday I felt like I could face it as more of a celebration than something to dread.

It was a beautiful day. I did a session in the temple then met with Ken's family at the cemetery where we shared some peaceful moments. Mom had us over for dinner afterward and then shared with us some FABULOUS scrapbooks that she had put together for each of us. She had taken boxes and boxes of pictures, sorted and organized them and created copies for us. It was fun to go through the books and share tender moments and laughter.

Looking back it's hard to believe it has been a year - in some ways it seems longer, in other ways it seems like just last week... we have all made it through a year of firsts and I so appreciate all of my family and friends for their support during this time (and before). I'm doing great and the kids are, too.

One of my goals is that Jenelle will know her daddy through our memories. I look forward to looking forward while I carry loving tender memories in my heart and share them with the kids.

Love Ya!

SHE DID IT - YOU WOULD BE SO PROUD

Yep, your good old Aunt/Friend/Sister Jackie went on a date! It was actually very fun and proved that I can do this - and ENJOY it...now I've got to figure out how to make that happen again!

Oh, yeah, and Jenelle's pretty much potty trained

now, the seat has found other uses - she doesn't even worry about falling in anymore.

It's been a week of great accomplishments and we're all very proud of ourselves ;-)

Potty Training and insomnia

So it is 3:13 am MDT and what am I doing up?! Just updating my blog while things are quiet around here ;-)... typos are excused in this blog. I don't usually suffer from insomnia so this is a rare thing for me!

Last week I had a couple of days off and thought it would be a good time to get started with the joy of potty training! I have to report that I am pleasantly SHOCKED at how well it is going. She has not had wet pants in about 4 days with the exception of 1 overnight diaper...and I thought Big J was easy. That brings me to why I'm up - she woke up about 2:00 am crying "potty", I thought it was just a bad dream and she'd go back to sleep but after a few minutes I went in and she was wide awake and needed to get up. She did and went right back to sleep... does this mean it's time for a big girl bed so Mommy can sleep through the night? Seems like I had just enough sleep (a nap) that now I can't get back to sleep...and now the odor of fresh skunk is permeating the house - too late to close it up (YUCK). Maybe I'll try folding some laundry then another quick nap before Jazzercise at 5:30.

Sweet dreams!

A Tender Story

As I approach the 1 year anniversary of Ken's death I think that I'm doing quite well emotionally... until Jenelle pulls something like this.

We were helping with cousin Chris' Eagle Project up on Y mountain the other day. I had paused to look up at the mountain and just above the mountain the sky was a beautiful, incredible blue so I commented about the beautiful sky. Jenelle the looked up also and after taking a moment to also enjoy it she said: "Daddy paint sky"... yes, Daddy probably did paint that sky special for us to have that tender moment.

I have been so blessed to have her to bring me a little bit of her Daddy every day.

Happy Pioneer Day

I know this isn't celebrated much outside of Utah but it is our version of "statehood day" and a pretty big deal. Last year our neighborhood started doing a Patriotic Parade the night before the 4th and this year we switched to the night before July 24th. It was a lot of fun, I had a hand-me-down from Aunt Camie that Baby J wore- what would a parade be without cheerleaders. Big J and his buddies we the lawn mower brigade. We all had a great time, and got to be at the park for hours...the first time (since she's cared) that she didn't pitch a fit when it was time to go home - success!!

Her first plane ride
On the Concord bridge where the first shots were fired
Below deck of the USS Constitution
coming up for air (I would NEVER make it in the Navy)
Showing the very stylish bowling shoes

Family Reunion in Boston

Baby J and Big J visiting the t0-scale replica of the Mayflower
Resting on the "water boat" (whale watching boat) after Jenelle (and others) experienced some seasickness. She is not a good aim. Thankfully the restrooms had hand blow-dryers...Yes, I actually rinsed my clothes in the sink (you didn't really think I'd sit in that all day)!? Sorry, but no whale pictures - they weren't out that day.
Big J trying to fly - Real men wear pink...especially when you forget your jacket, luckily Mom had bought herself a souvenier!
Firing the canon at Plimoth Plantation
Candlestick bowling - quite the entertainment in the East and we LOVED it. Waiting for someone to splurge and build one in Utah - we'll be first in line (you must also note the fashionable shoes)

VACATION!!

Catching up stinks - I'll try not to make this terribly boring! We spent a week back east (Boston) for a family reunion and had the BEST TIME!! This was Baby J's first plan trip - she mostly did ok. She was required to sit in the coveted window seat since we brought her car seat, but we had to close the blinds...as we took off she looked out for a minute then stared a panic "fall, fall, scardey me...". Other than that she fared quite well.

We saw everything from the pilgrims coming to America to the NEW State House. I especially enjoyed the historical and war sites because I knew how much Ken always wanted to visit them, he was such a history buff and would have been in his element as we learned the inside stories about some of our country's history. I think the pictures that I've included will tell the story best. I had hoped to mail out a slide show but it was requiring a login for everyone who wanted to view the pictures - so this is our very abbreviated version.

God Bless America!

Oops - more than a month!!

So much for my plans to keep up on this and be sure we're updated...I was better at sending out family-wide emails~I'll try to be better!

Jenelle took 2 spills in a row - must be a toddler thing! First she got tripped up on a treadmill then she tripped or misjudged a step on the sidewalk. This is the result - scabby nose - and this was several days after! Didn't bother her at all except that one of her friends must've touched it, anytime I asked if her nose was ok she got mad and said her friend's name. If someone asked me what happened to her nose she would crinkle it up and make a funny face, she knew they were talking about her. What a ham, though!

Everything is going well for the J-Team... Big J is in the last few weeks of school and busy with orchestra concerts, final projects, and even a dance coming up. He earned his Star rank in Scouts last month - getting closer to Eagle! Baby J is cute as ever, but I think I say that all the time. She jabbers a LOT (I knew she'd catch up...to her mom) and has the cutest expressions! I sometimes get sad watching her, realizing that she is my last baby and won't be like this forever, wouldn't be a bad idea to video tape her 100% of the time...but when she sees the camera she stops and says "Cheese!" so the cute thing she was doing/saying is forgotten - we need hidden cameras. Someday I'll figure out how to add video to my blogs, I'm sure it's simple. She practices her tantrums about once a week but I think having a "mature" mom helps... for some reason it's easier to just slide through, change the subject/distract her, or ignore the tantrum completely - even in public (although I do try to finish up and get out to avoid bothering others).

Not much else going on - getting ready for summer, so much that needs to be done. Keeping in mind that I haven't had a summer 'break' for several years - pregnant, newborn, sick husband - so I should feel like I've got all kinds of time and energy to get everything done...we'll see...ask me in September what I've accomplished.

That's it for now...I'll try to remember to do this more often for my posterity!

Wish I'd taken the video camera!

I often comment that Big J and Baby J rarely act their age (teenager and two) but when they do - LOOK OUT!

Tonight was one of those thrilling nights in a 2-year-old's life where you think you've never been happier and never been more upset! This was our first return to a swimming pool since last summer and it was a blast. After a 10 minute struggle to convince her that this was not a bath/shower to be taken in the nude (although she did have on her water shoes as she ran around the locker room) I was able to get her into a swim diaper and one of her cute new suits. Once we hit the water there was no stopping her - she giggled and squealed at every little thing and about jumped out of her skin when Big J jumped off the diving board...too bad there weren't a bunch of 13 year old girls there to prove the "baby sister = chick magnet" theory! She was thrilled to be in the water and so much fun to watch - I wished I had taken the camera cuz I'm sure it won't be quite the spectacle next time...

Speaking of spectacle - we had to get out at some point... as I tried to get dressed she kept running through the locker room and trying to go back into the pool- at least twice I barely grabbed her before she went into public view (I wasn't quite decent...not sure what would have happend if she had gotten any further). By the time I was dressed, she still refused to undress (remember the struggle to get the suit ON?!) so we headed out - swimsuit and all, she wouldn't even let me wrap her in a towel. Well...she thought going to get big brother meant in the pool (which she kept calling "shower" as she headed toward it) and didn't take it very well when we headed OUTSIDE! I know, I know, she's TWO...I probably don't need to say any more but I will. She did everything in her power to avoid the car seat - screaming bloody murder the whole time she was arching her back and twisting around. Keep in mind that she's still very wet (and by now, so am I-again). I'm sure people in the parking lot were ready to call DCFS before we half forced, half coerced her in. WHEW - so we listened to the screaming all the way home and even there she refused to let me get her in jammies, I think it was her way of flaunting her TWOness. Now I'm exhausted but wound up!



Tuesday was the 3 year anniversary of the day that Ken and I were sealed in the temple to be husband and wife forever. I chose to make it a quiet day mostly on my own at the temple after a part day at work. Nothing significant, just another "first" to get through and I did ok - didn't miss him anymore that day than I do any other day. I am so grateful we had that blessing 3 years ago.

TGIF (almost)!

Happy Easter!

It's been a quite couple of weeks - Easter was the big event which Baby J wasn't quite old enough to get into. A new dress, eggs everywhere, and chocolate (hmmm...that's a word in her vocabulary already!). Big J spent the weekend with Uncle Jeff's family and Marc came down here (plans had already been made for Jason). We just hung out all weekend and Marc "hid" some eggs for her and taught her how to find them.

We took some flowers and eggs to the cemetery where, after some convincing, J parted with the eggs so we could leave them to decorate for Daddy for spring.

I finally got up the guts to go to a "singles" dance a few weekends ago - got all dressed (make-up and hair even...so NOT like me!) and sat in the parking lot! It was at the church building where Ken & I used to go visit his deaf friends and I just couldn't get myself to go in - and didn't get very excited about the people that I saw going in anyhow. Guess it's just not time yet, at least not this week...so I'll just keep booggying with the kids although I'm not sure I'll ever get all the words to the songs from "Hairspray" like Big J has. With his new DVD we'll learn not only the words (which he's already got memorized and sings in his sleep [just ask Josh!] - and seem to float through my mind constantly) but some of the dances, too - - -Broadway, here we come!

Spring is still springing, we've dug up the dead plants in the flower beds and preplanted the vegetables in little pots. I've got visions of grandeur - haven't ever had a garden here but hope to spend a lot of time outside this spring and summer. Baby J has her new sand/water table, chalk for the sidewalk, and bubbles to keep her busy outside!

Work is great-with a recent reorganization I now have 8 additional techs that report to me, many of which I've worked with before! Things were getting kind of slow (almost boring) and the past couple of weeks I have thoroughly enjoyed being super busy - and it helps the diet, too... no time for snacking!

Off to bed now - my 5:30am wake-up call for Jazzercise comes awfully early!

Happy 2nd Birthday to Jenelle

WOW - two years old... not sure if the nickname "baby J" is going to last, might have to make it "big girl J"...but not rushing it!

We had a fun gathering on Sunday night to celebrate her big day. Of course it was after her nap and it took her awhile to figure out why everyone was here when she woke up. She warmed up and enjoyed having lots of attention, and the presents were fun-she managed to open them throghout the evening, didn't get the concept of open them all at once...when she got to that point she really slowed down. Unfortunately we didn't get any pictures of her with cake & candles that night but we got her to re-enact her birthday for us on Monday (her real birthday) and managed to get some pictures around the mostly eaten cake.

Her 2 year checkup went well at the dr's office - she is just above average sized and way above the best in cuteness! I told Jason I want to enter her in the city's baby contest this summer and he said that we shouldn't because it wouldn't be fair for the other babies, we shouldn't put her in so that the other kids would have a chance ;-)! It seems like she's decided to really start using words the past couple of weeks and seems to surprise me with a few new words every day.

And to top off the festivities she actually had success in the potty tonight! She's been "practicing" all the sounds and faces (I wonder if it would be appropriate to video tape her doing her potty routine-it is hysterical!) and last night spent 30 minutes up and down from the potty before I gave up and put her to bed. Tonight she sat down and I think it surprised her, she hopped right up and asked to get in the bath - YAY! This could be the start of something good...of course, it could last us for months or even years, but you've got to start somewhere!

Big J finished his basketball season last week, his team was in the semi-finals of the multi-city tournament when they met their match from a neighboring city. It was a great season and he enjoyed playing.

Looking forward to SPRING! Crocuses in the front yard, birds in the neighbors' trees (ours are too small), lawns being mowed and watered are all simple reminders that it's just around the corner!

Pictures

I think I might have figured out how to add pictures and text ... let's see how this goes.

Of course-the good stuff!

Can't dwell on the stuff that makes me cry... so here's the good stuff of the week in a nutshell.



Jason got himself all decked out to go to the junior high dance on Thursday-Jenelle even got him a flower (I don't know how to spell what it really is called...). It had to be from Jenelle or he might not have worn it...



I was pleasantly surprised yesterday... I had put up the "every day" flag on our flag pole the other day and when I got up yesterday I saw that it was draped over the chair. When I asked Jason why he took it down, he said "because it's your birthday"... he had managed to put up the HUGE "special occasions" flag on his own-in the wee hours of the morning. Although I had lots of fun calls, emails, visits, etc., that was the most meaningful part of the day for me!



(In case you're wondering about the flag- when Ken passed away we were give a huge flag because he had been in Guard/Reserves. Last Sept I put up my Mom's flag pole and added a placque for Ken. We fly the big flag on special occasions and have a lightweight, smaller flag for everyday patriotism)



We enjoyed a visit from Marc and Karen on Sunday afternoon-bearing gifts of fun Valentine's and we're looking forward to seeing all the Southams at dinner on Sunday. I've felt so distant, not traveling during my recover from surgery...although the fatigue is getting better!



Jenelle is loving her "Daddy" video-I put together several clips with her and Daddy onto a video tape, unfortunately it's only about 10 minutes long so I have to keep rewinding it...she DEMANDS to watch it over & over again. If anyone has any clips of Ken I'd love to try to get copies-did anyone have a video camera at the Haines reunion in 2004 when he told his hummingbird story? Jenelle needs to know that story but it's just not the same from MAMA.

(I'll try to load pictures later on...I'm sure there's a way to put them directly on the post but not sure how)

An emotional week... another one behind me.

Just when I thought things were going to get better, all of the 'lonely' holidays hit. I originally thought that once I got through all of the birthdays and major holidays from October through December that I'd just glide through the rest of the first year...NOT... didn't take into account that the major holidays are so busy and full of family that they were actually easy compared to this last week.

Feb 12 marked 6 months since Ken passed away, the 13th was the day we met in person 5 years ago, the 14th Valentine's Day and yesterday was my B-day. I've decided not to overestimate myself anymore... I don't forsee our wedding and sealing anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or anything else being "easy". Oh, well, I'm doing ok-if you know me, you know that I don't hold in my emotions and I feel like I made it through last week ok.

Keeping in mind that this is "journaling"... not trying to bring anyone down...

Sock Hop

Slowly but not so surely I am figuring out how this blog thing works. The pictures (I have no idea where they'll be when I finish my post) are from the Sock Hop at the church on Friday night. It was a BLAST and I'm sure I over-did it - only 10 days since surgery...dr. had said not to raise my heart rate or blood pressure so I actually took it easy although witnesses might say otherwise. No harm, no foul-I feel fine and any aches & pains I had Saturday were "happy pain".

In the picture of Jenelle you have to notice her Valentine's tights and her pink Chuck Taylor high tops...one of Daddy's favorite accessories (although he never had pink ones). She was the sweetheart of the party...at least in my eyes!

I'm glad to have our Valentine's Day celebration out of the way, it could be a hard week for me. Jason has his school dance on Thursday night and I've got a mixed b-day lunch planned for Saturday...keeping busy.

It was 5 years ago this Wednesday that Ken and I met in person for the first time, he came to Colorado to go to a church Valentine's Dance that I had organized. Being single at the time I thought it would be nice to plan a romantic evening of dinner & dancing for all of the couples...little did I know that I wouldn't be very single by the time the dance rolled around! One of the songs requested at the Sock Hop on Friday was The Dance by Garth Brooks...hadn't listened to it for 20 years and was surprised at it's effect on me. "I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance" Love You Ken!

Sock Hop